Never Ending Drama.......

Story of my life. I have lots of drama, not in the high school "I-hate-you-for-stealing-my-boyfriend" kind of drama. But real life hard core drama. In the long run it just means I have more stories to tell so I guess I will take that as a good thing. Anyways, back to my drama of the day....

I had my 6 week post-partum checkup today. No worries I am healthy. In fact I have lost 30 pounds since Amelia was born, yay for me :). Sorry I keep getting off track, back to the drama. First thing when my doctor gets there is he tells me to come look at my chart and the placenta test results that came back. He says "look at this you had an infarct" a what? I swear it sounded like some other word. Well apparently I had an infarction of my placenta. A blood clot had formed at some earlier point in my pregnancy and stopped blood flow to a big chunk of the placenta and killed it. I was in shock. My doctor goes on and on about how lucky we are that baby is here safe and sound yadi yadi yada. Holy crow, I am sooooooooooo relieved today more than ever. After google-ing blood clots and infarctions we are truly blessed Amelia was born full term alive and healthy. I know I shouldn't worry about what the doc. said but I am just really disturbed by what could have been.

On a side note some stinking German dude started rubbing and filing my nails and making them looking all pretty and nice today at the mall. Somehow all that led to me buying a jar of expensive lotion. One day that German dude will get what he deserves for giving me mini mani and making me spend money I just don't have to spend.... Errgggg

Cutest Socks Ever!

I have an addiction to a particular brand of baby socks called trumpettes. They are ridiculously expensive but incredibly cute. I have had a hard time finding them in Utah, typically they are sold back east, I could get them online but I never want to pay for shipping. Well I went into a cute boutique store in Ogden yesterday and my awesome husband pointed out that they sold trumpettes there!! (hooray, even though I am sure he wished he kept that to himself after I bought a box of socks heeehe). So anyways I am excited to have some new trumpette socks that Amelia can wear.

Love this little babe!!

Amelia is getting so big! Here are some adorable pictures. (If you think otherwise, keep it to yourself!!)

Somehow I made it......

I have felt very emotional over the last few weeks. I had a healthy baby girl who is growing and melts my heart. At the same time I can't help but think of the baby I lost just a year ago. We drive thru the cemetery often and it brings a semblance of peace knowing I ache for something real. As Adalyn's one year birthday came and went I was sad and lonely. I was in Idaho without Josh and though I had a great time it is only him who I can share my grief entirely with. She was the little angel I don't get to see grow and get big. I want everyone to know about that first child of mine yet I don't want to open myself to all the questions and pity. I hoped to do so many things in honor of her this year. I read a book that the family had a little celebration each year on the birthday of the baby that had died. I so wanted to do that. I wanted to plant a huge flower garden full of pansies and petunias, but because I am recovering physically and financially from having a baby I didn't do that either.

All of these things I wanted to do seem somehow insignificant when I realize I made it. I made it thru the hardest year of my life. I recovered from losing a child. I still grieve and I can admit right now that I am crying while I type this. My grief goes on and yet I am still making it. I am not typically a share all but I felt compelled to write this and tell those around me my grief is minimal compared to the joy I find in knowing that Adalyn is eternally mine and one day I will be able to be with her again and watch her grow as I do my little baby now.