Crazy Life......

I have avoided posting for 3 months..... These reasons could be- I'm lazy- I'm busy- and we just aren't all that exciting. But here I go I am going to post our exciting life these past 3 months. Josh and I have been slaving away at our jobs, it seems to take up far more time than we ever expected. Around the end of September we came to the conclusion that we needed some change in our life. That change turned out to be a move to Utah. Josh found a job down here and will be starting around the middle of December. I am still looking for a job and will be staying in Pocatello until the end of the year. One of the benefits to being in Utah will be being so much closer to my OB. Yup, I am pregnant again. I am considered high risk so I have an OB in Utah that is very familiar with my type of case. I loved my previous OB but Pocatello, in general, has its limitations when it comes to perinatal care. We expect that we may be able to find out the gender on our next appointment, which is December 14th. It all depends on how developed the baby is so we will see. If not I have an appointment two weeks after that where they will do a full ultra-sound measuring baby from top to bottom. Little nerve wracking considering the history we have had...... But many many people have assured me all will be well, for now I am relying on their hope alone.

For thanksgiving we went to Utah for the Larsen family, this is Josh's extended family on his mom's side. Because the dinner wasn't until Friday Josh's parents came to our house and we had our own little dinner on Thursday. Deanne was great and showed me how to make a turkey, and was kind enough to take out all the nasty parts and get her hands dirty, not exactly what I would be very good at being so sensitive in sight and smell......

Really for a 3 month absent that is all I have to update on. Just wish us luck in our move and finding me a job. I am hoping to drop down to part time just to ease my stress load a little bit. Now because it is December I am officially going to start a Christmas countdown!! Only 21 days left!

P.S. I am also going to post a poll for all those who would like to take a guess at our baby's gender!

Just a blog...

I decided that I am just going to blog. Some may read or some may not but I don't care. I feel like ever since Addie died I am trying to find different things to blog about. Last night I finally came to the conclusion that why should I? She is what I think about constantly, she is who I am now. So I guess anyone who reads this will have to bear with me and read about Addie.

It's true that our lives our so busy right now. It is only Wednesday, but by the end of the day Josh will have already worked 30 hours. I often wonder if we are busy for a reason, perhaps maybe to keep me distracted from my continuous thoughts of my daughter? I still know it was her time to go but knowing that doesnt make it any easier to liver without her. Did you know it has been 3 months since we buried her? 3 months!! That is a 1/4 of a year. I have already survived 25% of this "first year" amazing and ridiculous all at the same time. Three months ago I was still pregnant, Josh was still just a lowly worker, and I still had my gall bladder. That is just the tip of the list, I am sure it could go on and on.

I decided that I want to establish a fund or foundation of sorts in honor of Addie. I will call it the Adalyn Grace Foundation. I have no idea how I would go about doing this but I know I want to do it. The main purpose for this foundation would be to provide for other grieving parents of stillborns or early infant death. I know every time I go visit her grave I see all the other babies there that have little sticks for markers, seeing Addie's little plaque is hard but I know she will get her headstone in a month or so. We had so much help from our families that made it possible to have a beautiful graveside service and proper burial. I want that for the other people out there who don't have such a strong support system. So all in all I want a resource available to those families to be able to get headstones instead of markers, to be able to have beautiful burial clothes, and pretty little caskets with sprays on them. Each baby that is laid to rest in that cemetary is so special and they deserve to have the best.

I guess those are my thoughts, and I know that right now we are not in the place to be starting a fund for that but it is definitely in my ten year plan! (And yes I really have a ten year plan)

Busy.... Busy... Busy

A quick update on our life. It has been hectic. I had my gall bladder taken out the first of the month, at the same time work was up for recertification from the state. All in all such a bad week to have to take time off! Good news though, was my staff passed. Which is a good sign I am doing my job. The same week I had surgery my brother Alex came to stay with us. I was a little worried that he would add strain to the recovery for me but he was such a huge help! He made me lunch, granted it was only mac n' cheese, he picked things up for me and always gave me a turn to pick a tv show. Which for any 9 year old giving up cartoon network is a big thing, especially him.

Josh also got a new calling, he is now going to be in the Elder's quorum presidency as the secretary. We spent a few days wondering what the stake could want with us, turns out that was it! Josh is really excited for the change and looking forward to the blessings that could come from this.

We both are starting classes up this fall, for Josh it was the plan all along, but for me it is just a little adjustment to the twist in our life. I am excited to be getting back in after my time off! Well wish us luck!! (We'll need it lol)

Life...

It seems like the month of July has just flown right by us!! I blinked and suddenly its July 21st. Which of course means Addie's due date was tomorrow, granted our plans would have likely meant her being born a couple weeks ago. Nevertheless, this was her date of entrance into the world. I thought I would feel more sad when it finally got here, yet, the peace that I had 7 weeks ago still holds today. I am so glad that it will probably last thru my entire life here on this earth. Granted we have still had moments that have been tough and always will, but the overriding emotion is peace. We are so blessed to have had the time we did have before she died, regardless of it all being in the womb. I talked with my grandmother, one of the greatest women I know, and she told me of how when she lost her little baby Berdine that her and my grandfather had been given so much strength to get thru it, almost as if they were given that strength to help others who were grieving their loss as well. She has been such an example and strength to us now, I love everything about her!!


As for the rest of our life Josh is still stressed out about work. I am sure I don't make it easier for him, he strives so hard to do such a perfect job! I got a great haircut, makes me feel so pretty. Heehee. We went and saw the Harry Potter movie, we loved it. We are glad we have the means to go out on dates every now and than. We have had an abundance of people over for dinner in the last week. This included the missionaries and my cousin and his wife. It has been such fun to be so social. I may enjoy it more than Josh he loves just staying home and spending time with me, I completely don't deserve him!! I did get a little flu bug yesterday, had me home from work puking anything I put in. And once again my amazing Josh came to the rescue, so worried about me and making sure I had anything I needed. I love this man, I probably don't say it enough but I sure do!!

Fourth of July!!

So this is my obligatory 4th of July post. It actually makes a good excuse to make myself post... (I try to find reasons out of it.)
We spent the holiday up in Victor, which was great fun. Having never really spent any time there being a tourist we chose the perfect time for me to have the opportunity. We got up there late Thursday evening after doing some shopping for myself (so needed), with Josh's new promotion he and I both had 3 day weekends. Friday we went out to the antique fair in Driggs with his mom and sister. We just liked looking anything there was completely out of our price range, not to mention the crazy vendors. Afterwards we went back into Victor and stopped at craft fair. I bought a purse, I am an addict lol. Josh got some books even though he probably would have gone back and got a knife if we had more time. I am betting by the end of the summer and more fairs and what not he will have gotten himself one though. After all this we had planned to go on a short little hike that Deanne had taken her young women to earlier in the week, but rain kept us from going so we just picked up Royce from work and got lunch at O'rourkes instead. We spent the rest of the day just visiting. We had grand plans of a dutch oven feast over the fire pit but again, the rain kept us from doing it. So talented Deann just did the yummy dutch oven on the stove and I made the dessert in the oven.

Saturday morning I was determined to see the balloons. Regardless of the fact that meant I had to be awake at 6 am. So we got up and drove to Driggs all the while watching the hot air balloons in the air. It really is quite the sight. We came back ate breakfast and took a short nap before the parade. The parade was cute and quaint, afterwards we went and had lunch in the park. We went back to Royce and Deanne's and relaxed played games and BBQ'd. We didnt go to the firework show, noone but Josh had the real desire so we just set off a bunch of bottle rockets instead. We went to church the next morning and left soon after so we could make a pit stop in IF and came home completely wiped out but full of fun!!

In other news, well there really isn't any other news. Josh is settling into his promotion even though it stresses him out alot. We are getting ready for Relay for Life which is the 10th, I am on a committee and we have both volunteered to help with the event so we are looking forward to that. We passed the month mark from Addie's death, this was both dreaded and anticipated on our part. We just keep holding on to our memories and moving forward. Before you know it we will be on to her one year birthday. It seems time just flies by!

A moment in our arms... Forever in our hearts.

Most everyone has heard by now that our little girl died. She was born Friday May 29, 2009. She was so beautiful, it was very hard to know that we won't see her again in this lifetime. At the same time we know without any doubt that she is with her Father in Heaven where she is meant to be. We loved our little girl and cherish the special spirit she has. We spent some beautiful time with her body before the service. We were allowed to dress her in a blessing gown and say our last goodbyes. It was very emotional but so peaceful seeing her. Afterwards we held a graveside service for her in the Brigham City Cemetary. They have a little area called babyland, where other grieving mothers and fathers have laid there angel babies to rest as well. The spirit at this service was so strong and all the people who turned out in support of our trial was amazing. I felt so much love, not only from the family and friends in our life but also from my Father above. I know that He loves me and He will help me thru this trial He has given Josh and I. I cannot say that it is easy but the blessing to carry and give a body to such a sweet spirit has been an honor.

I love Josh and feel blessed that he is the man he is and has been right here with me facing this same trial. I am thankful for this gospel and the opportunity I have to have it in my life. Without the knowledge of eternal life and eternal families I would not be able to cope with the loss of my Adalyn. I am thankful for my mothers', who without hesitation have been here for us and helped thru our grieving by their brave examples. I am thankful for our fathers' who have shared in our loss and emotion just as any other. And lastly I am thankful for all the other great family that have been here for us and mourned with us.

I felt the silence the morning she was born, yet I felt an undeniable peace in my heart that I will see her again and have the opportunity to raise my sweet angel baby, my sweet Adalyn Grace.

P.S. Her dress was made with so much love and devotion by her Grandma Bryant.

New Doctors, New Experiences

It's hard to believe that its only been a month since I posted last. We spent the majority of our weekends in Utah dealing with the stress of life. Which to elaborate on that I guess I better start out at the beginning. So we have had a couple of follow up ultra sounds since we first found out about the baby's echogenic bowel. The first was on April 7th, they found that her bowel was dialated even more. So once again I set up another appointment with the specialist that comes to Pocatello from Salt Lake. That appointment was on the 17th. In only 10 days between the appointments her bowel had gotten even bigger. After the specialist saw this he felt that the reason for the dialated bowel was an obstruction and that she probably would require early delivery in Salt Lake. He set up an appointment for us down in Salt Lake to meet with a whole other slew of doctors. On the 27th we headed down to Utah, where we met Josh's parents for lunch and went to University of Utah hospital and met with a high risk OB specialist. She did another ultra sound checked the bowel and answered all our questions. All in all she was great, she let us know that the baby wouldn't have to come early and I wouldnt have to have a ceasearan. HUGE RELIEF on both counts. She decided that I need to be living in Utah by 36 weeks in case of early delivery and at 38 weeks they would induce me. After that appointment we headed over to Primary Children's to meet with the pediatric surgeons. The surgeon showed us some of the ways her bowel could be obstructed. She told us that the average stay after a bowel obstruction surgery was about 6 weeks, however it could be less or it could be more. From there we got to take a tour of the NICU where she will go to stay until she is fully recovered. The nurse giving the tour was a great help, and even though we don't like the situation we are in we feel completely confident in the doctor's we have been blessed with. The good news out of all of this is that most likely once they fix the obstruction Addie will be able to grow up healthy and enjoy a lively childhood.

Beyond hospital drama we got good news that Josh got the promotion, yay for us!! We also spent time in Utah for my mom's birthday and my brother Alex's birthday. We decided til our next appointment we are going to stay grounded in Pocatello. We are all but sick of traveling! We also hit our milestone 1 year anniversary. It has been a year of highs, lows, and a truckload of new experiences. We will keep plugging away at our next truckload for the next 100 years, I'm just so excited for what more can come... ;)

You know you're pregnant when...

You go 3 days in a row with comments like "oh look at you, you've popped", or " aren't you so glad you've started showing? Now people won't wonder why you have gained weight", or my favorite "oh look at that belly! Is it hard yet". Of course all these statements are accompanied with a nice belly rub, and if anyone knows me you know my absolute favorite thing in the world is to be touched (I am hoping you hear the sarcasm). But it is official, I am pregnant and I look like it too.

I have to whine and say I am sooo tired of being pregnant. I only hit this point in the last month or so. Realistically when you think about it I should be done being pregnant by now, with the miscarriage last summer than the limited amount of time between pregnancies, I have been pregnant or dealing with pregnancy related issues for over 9 months now. By the time Addie does get her I will have been pregnant for over a year, I understand completely why God created a 9 month gestation period. Its long enough to get the baby born healthy but not too long that the mother goes insane. So if at any point in the near future you find me living with old mother hubbard just know it is because I passed that pivotal 9 month point... a month ago, my sanity is hanging by a thread and a good husband. :D

Enough of my spouting, we had the ultra sound yesterday afternoon. And really thats about it. No new answers, she is still growing really well. Unfortunately her bowel is still growing a bit too much to. Good news is that it hasnt gained in speed of growing, it is still growing at the same pace. We still haven't heard when interviews are being set up for Josh's position but I am betting it will be sometime in the next week. I wish it would be sooner rather than later. Patience is a virtue, I know. Other than that very little excitement here in Pocatello with us Woolstenhulmes.

P.S. Danalin, Addie is short for Adalyn and when you do have another girl I have no problems sharing.

I was thinking about it and decided it was probably a good time for a new post. Honestly we have been swamped with everything. We moved into our new home 3 weeks ago Saturday, and we love every bit of it. Royce and Deanne came up the weekend before we moved and helped get our old apartment up to par so the actual move would be easier on us. My dad, brothers, and grandfather, oh and of course Josh did all the moving on Saturday. With the help of my grandma and stepmother we got almost everything unpacked in those first couple of days. It feels nice to be all settled in.

As far as baby Addie goes we haven't really heard anything new, which isn't surprising for the most part we will just have to be patient and wait til she is born. I do have to schedule an ultra-sound in the next couple of days where they will just check her bowel again. She is kicking good and hard now all the time. Josh finally got to feel it a week or so ago and let me know that he was so glad because he was getting completely jealous that I got to feel her move all the time. It made me laugh pretty good especially when I reminded him I get to feel everything all the time, not just her moving around.

On a sad note our family had a bit of a blow, my uncle passed away unexpectedly this last friday. He had lived a very hard life full of drugs and alcohol, yet recently he sobered up and gave our family a good 6 months of sobriety. He slipped back into old habits in the last week or so of his life which caused his death. It was very hard to watch all the members of my family and their grief, knowing that he died this way. I hope that if anything comes out of his passing at all, it will be that others may recognize their own addictions and seek for help before it overtakes their life.

One last tid bit is that Josh has decided to apply for the management position at the group home he currently works at. He has been a shift supervisor for a long time now and we are hopeful that he will get this promotion. We will let you know as soon as we hear anything :D

Patience, Faith, and Echo-what??????

I wanted to wait until after today to put this bit of information up. Because today we met with the perinatologist. He comes to Pocatello once a month and meets with pregnant women who have been deemed as "high risk". Some may know and some may not that after our ultra sound on Tuesday the technician informed our doctor that our baby's bowel was a little too large. This is typically called an echogenic bowel. My OB than told us some things that this could mean, it could mean either A. Its just a large bowel that will self correct itself and nothing will ever come of it, B. Our baby could have cystic fibrosis, or C. our baby could have a chromosomal defect.

Of course my immediate reaction was to break down and cry. My OB continually tried telling me to be positive and think that nothing would really be wrong. But really after you give a woman that kind of news what do you expect? So he told us a couple of things we could do, we could meet with the high risk specialist or do a panel of screens for genetic defects. We told him we would definitely meet with the specialist and than let him know on the testing. We went in today and met with the specialist, he did another ultrasound and showed us the problem with the bowel. He let us know due to the fact that our baby is growing normally otherwise down syndrome was very unlikely, I think the number he said was a 1 in 8,000 chance of it (echogenic bowel is often a sign of down syndrome). But he once again said that cystic fibrosis could take play in it and we could take the blood tests to see if we were carriers. After telling him either way we are having a baby, no matter what, he said the best thing for us to do right now is to start planning for her college tuition in 18 years.

So technically we didn't get anymore answers today but it just added to the blessings we have recieved that everything would be okay. Yes there still is a chance our baby could be born with problems, but isn't that always a chance? Josh and I both know that with faith in the Lord and His promises and patience in the next few months we will have the most beautiful little baby girl come July.

Drumroll please....

So just in case you haven't heard we got the ultra sound... and we are having a little girl!! Her name is going to be Adalyn Grace Woolstenhulme. Here are a couple of pics :D

This and That...

I cut all my hair off on Friday. I am absolutely excited about it, I wanted to cut it off last month when I went in but peer pressure overruled and I kept it long. I have been trying really hard to keep my spirits up the last couple of weeks, I have never felt great about my self image and since I have gotten pregnant it has only gotten worse, lol. So in effort to keep feeling good my best gal pal and I got our nails done, painted my toenails, bought some new shirts, and of course the haircut (which always includes getting my eyebrows waxed). It has been fun to splurge on some absolutely ridiculous things and I am happy that Josh loves me enough to let me, though he probably has no idea why I want them :D.

Other than keeping busy trying to feel pretty we are just starting to pack to move. It is nice to think that I will be out of this apartment in a matter of weeks and into a house!!! Both Josh and I feel very great about the move and have absolutely no reservations and we know this must have been divine guidance. I thought about trying to move our appointment up to this week just so I could shop for baby things when I am in Utah this weekend but decided to practice my least favorite virtue, patience. . . So, alas, the gender discovery will still be March 3rd. I think I can wait that long don't you?

One day I will be better at this...

I really want to become a good blogger... You'd think that I never login or anything but that's definitely not the truth. I am a definite blog stalker who spends more time looking at other people's blogs than updating my own. But for my new goal is to be able to update so all those people out there can keep up with Josh and I's wacky lives...

We had another Dr.'s appointment where we had yet again another ultrasound. Everything looks healthy and strong. I have just started feeling some movement in the last couple of days. Can't wait til Josh can feel it too. Other things that we have done this last month are finding a new place to live. My dad's last renters in a home he owns just by the west bench of Pocatello had trouble paying there rent so he now has an open home. He practically begged Josh and I to move in so he could have some responsible renters in his home. It is the cutest little house, as I was telling Deanne it is a 3 bed 1 bath, 2 story home, white with green shudders. My dad just recently put in a fence in the backyard which is such a plus (its a high privacy fence). Josh is very excited because 4 years ago when my dad lived there as a bachelor he put in an area for a garden. Josh has already been thinking about what things he will be planting come this spring. As soon as I get the opportunity I will post some pictures of our lovely home to be come March 15th.

Another drama that I added into our life happened just under 2 weeks ago. I hit a car. That's right, and not just any car, a PARKED car! I will tell the story but please remember I am pregnant... I was not feeling the greatest that morning I tried eating something but my stomach just didnt settle. I decided, however, I just couldn't wait any longer to go to work. Not even 5 minutes later I knew I was going to lose my stomach. I pulled over swung my door open but my seatbelt locked and I some of my vomit made it onto my car door. (eww gross I know) So I figured I would stop at the gas station at the bottom of the hill and clean it up. I shut the door and started driving again. I began to heave again but this time there was nowhere to pull over, so my plan was to roll down the window. Yet, on my door was vomit I was trying very hard to push the window down button without touching the vomit. Before I could get the window down I heard a very distinct bam. Of course I hit a car, typically when you are staring down at the window lock for long periods of time you probably aren't paying any attention to the road and it isn't a surprise that you hit a parked car. Well the damage on the other car came to $500 so we opted to not file a claim and keep insurance low and just let our dented car be dented.

That in a nutshell is our comings and goings for the past month. We find out the sex of the baby on March 3rd. So stay tuned for the big announcement!

It's been awhile.....

So we have not posted in a long time and much has happened since then! We went to an early thanksgiving at Josh's parents in Victor than spent the real holiday in Pocatello with some of my family and we finished up the semester, yay for that!! We had a Christmas party with Josh's family at our place than went to Utah for another get together with all the Larsen family and spent the rest of the weekend celebrating with my mom. For the actual Christmas day we spent it once again in Pocatello with my family and brothers, which for the two oldest this is their last Christmas at home before they head out on their missions in a few months! It just seems that they were new deacons passing the sacrament, crazy how time flies from right underneath you. We spent the rest of the holiday break just working and enjoying life.... and as many of you know we hit 12 weeks with this pregnancy!!!! We are way excited to be at the "safe" point and are very hopeful about our future lil' one thats coming in July...We just had our 12 week appointment last week and everything is looking great! We did have a small scare when I caught some sort of flu bug and threw up for too long and got overly dehydrated. After 2 days of trying to keep any type of fluids down and a whole bunch of love from Josh I was able to stop and get back on my feet. I just hope it never gets me again. (lol so does Josh). Thanks for everyone who has kept us in their prayers and minds, its been great having all the support and love of everyone thru this pregnancy!